I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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