I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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