Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
