he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
