We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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