I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
