If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
