Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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