he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
