I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
