I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
