guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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