that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
