This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
