shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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