just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
