My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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