I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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