Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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