Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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