don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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