Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
