Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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