I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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