it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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