You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
