i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
