Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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