We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
