if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Please, let me fuck your mom
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
