Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
