I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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