You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
