somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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