May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
