dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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