found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
50% drunk capacity currently
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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