Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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