you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
