Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
