Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
