Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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