it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
