I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
