dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
