I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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