There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think I just sharted jello shots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
