Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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