As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did i walk over a car last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
