Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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