ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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