even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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