Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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