saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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