anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
