my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
