Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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