Pants 0. Shit 1.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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