not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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