my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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