He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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