No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
