we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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