I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
