She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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