I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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