would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
