my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
