can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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