what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
