this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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