Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
