We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
cat food counts as protein by the way
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
