We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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