You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize